Steve Atkinson gets a tad defensive when he’s accused of mothering what is perhaps the ugliest fish in creation.

Even for an ordained Pentecostal minister, Atkinson goes too far when he forgives the sturgeon’s massively plain appearance.

Ponder the evidence: enormous schnozz, a lewd and toothless mouth, and four whiskers dangling like an old man’s forgotten chin hairs. Is there a plastic sturgeon surgeon in the house?

“Sturgeons are a neat looking fish,” Atkinson insists, unable to muster many supportive details.

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