Steve Atkinson gets a tad defensive when he’s accused of mothering what is perhaps the ugliest fish in creation.

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Even for an ordained Pentecostal minister, Atkinson goes too far when he forgives the sturgeon’s massively plain appearance.

Ponder the evidence: enormous schnozz, a lewd and toothless mouth, and four whiskers dangling like an old man’s forgotten chin hairs. Is there a plastic sturgeon surgeon in the house?

“Sturgeons are a neat looking fish,” Atkinson insists, unable to muster many supportive details.

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